010 ∞ VIDEO

[designedtoparty]

[Somehow, Nathan has got hold of a clipboard. He lounges on Eden's couch for a while, staring intently at the clipboard as though the video's an accident. It isn't, however. Which becomes apparently when Nathan sits himself up, as though to make an important announcement. He'd almost seem formal if it wasn't for his casual jeans and t-shirt.]

Ladies of the City! Preferably between the ages of 16 and 30. I'm here to show you the man of your dreams.

A while ago I promised my good friend Campbell I'd help get him laid by a lady who wasn't a serial killer. Seeing how his birthday is coming up and everything, I thought now would be a good time to live up to my word and give him that.

So, if you've managed to avoid killing someone, are relatively good looking and of the female persuasion, please step right up. I have a few questions to ask you... [At that he taps the clipboard meaningfully. Then he shrugs, dropping it on his lap.] But really, so long as you meet those three requirements, I'm sure you're probably fine.

Comments

[loonyandproud.livejournal.com]

That is one of the nicest things anyone's ever tried t' get me for my birthday.

[designedtoparty]

What can I say? I like to look out for my mates. I'll even try and steer clear of the prostitutes for you.

[totallyinaband]

You guys are ridiculous.

[designedtoparty]

Hey, I'm getting him sex.

Say what you want, but I think we all know you're jealous I thought of the better present.

[totallyinaband]

I think we both know any girl in this city knows better than to come to you for a date. Even if it isn't with you.

[designedtoparty]

Hey, I'll have you know I got shagged just the other week. Good and proper.

[totallyinaband]

[Stephen snort-laughs. Man, that was a broadcast he wasn't going to forget.]

Yeah, 'cause that one turned out really well for you.

[designedtoparty]

[Frown. He's trying to forget that bit.]

Come on, man. It still counts. Who cares if she turned out to be a he?

[totallyinaband]

I'm never entirely convinced it counts when the person you slept with doesn't remember it in the morning. Whether that's alcohol or curse induced.

[designedtoparty]

Hey, he remembers it. And even if he doesn't, that doesn't it never happened! I remember it. And he definitely had lady parts when we went to bed.

[totallyinaband]

Jeez, you don't have to keep defending that part. We all believe you.

[designedtoparty]

I was just pointing it out. It's easy to forget when I keep having to refer to him as he instead of she.

[eiremagic]

[She sits on the couch next to him. It is, after all, her couch]

Any luck, boyo?

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[selenoscape.livejournal.com]

W-What?! You can't do that!

[brobeforehos.livejournal.com]

How business-like.

[designedtoparty]

Not unless you're here to offer yourself, no. [Which he's assuming she isn't, so he tosses the clipboard onto the floor.]

But no worries. I'm sure it's only a matter of time before they come running. And if they don't, he'll just have to make do without a present.

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[designedtoparty]

And yet I am!

[He's holding the clipboard again now, pen in hand and a what's meant to be a disarming smile plastered across his face.] So! How old are you?

[designedtoparty]

I try my best.

[Trying to keep his mock-business attitude, Nathan picks up his clipboard, peering down at it intently before he looks at the camera again.] First question. What are your thoughts on sleeping with mentally ill Scotsmen?

[brobeforehos.livejournal.com]

Should I answer this as a mentally crooked Brit, or should I withold information as I might not fit the criteria?

[designedtoparty]

Be as honest as you like. I don't think he cares how mentally crooked you are.

[brobeforehos.livejournal.com]

I suppose I've probably gone out with worse.

[designedtoparty]

Great! Well, so far you sound ideal. [He pauses a moment to jot something down.]

Next question. Have you ever, or do you ever plan to kill someone?

[brobeforehos.livejournal.com]

Rather direct, don't you think? Do you really expect people will say yes?

[designedtoparty]

No. That's why I'm playing middle man in the first place. But if I can weed someone out before things get messy, then all the better.

[brobeforehos.livejournal.com]

Then let me stop you right there, then, because I'm not looking for anyone.