001 ∞ VIDEO

[designedtoparty]

[The video opens with a bewildered looking youth in a grubby, orange jumpsuit holding the camera at arms length. When he speaks, the Irish accent quickly becomes apparent.]

Okay, first off I'd like to thank whoever conveniently decided to leave me with some form of communication, even if it is utterly useless for getting in touch with people I actually care about.

Second? A big fuck you to whoever's fault it is that I appear to be stuck here. I mean, come on! What the fuck!? Clearly I'm not dead, because hello? Immortal. So, what could possibly be going on here?

[At that he drops the confused look, rolling his eyes and looking annoyed instead.]

Oh, wait. Of course! It's something to do with the storm. Which is just a shocker, I know. It's not like that happens every week, or anything.

[A beat. Just waiting for that sarcasm to sink in, then...]

Ohhhhhh, no, sorry. It does. So, I know exactly what's going on here. It's someone's fucked up idea of a super power. Which means you're either a beautiful, barely legal girl, planning on doing something horrible to me, or...

[Nathan gasps, eyes widening with 'realisation'.]

You!

You're the probation worker. You sick bastard! I thought I could trust you. For once, I thought we had a probation worker we could trust. To guide us, to reform us, to refrain from trying to brutally murder us...

Instead you're pulling me into your sick, perverted fantasies, so you can have your filthy way with me.

[Throwing a dramatic arm over his face, Nathan lets out a loud, false sob.]

Be gentle with me. No one's ever taken me that way before.

Comments

[designedtoparty]

Because I'm new. I'm all alone. I'm scared. And now you're denying me my right to some good, old fashioned drugs.

[heelsandlaw.livejournal.com]

A, I'm not denying you any right because there is no right to those drugs; B, I didn't deny you any alleged right, I just said I wouldn't supply you and C, you just asked a criminal prosecutor for drugs. Want to try that again?

[designedtoparty]

That all depends on which country you're living in. [Which... doesn't make any difference to someone living in Britain. But she doesn't know that! Maybe.]

Pshhh, prosecutor. What are you gonna do? Arrest me?

[heelsandlaw.livejournal.com]

That depends on you, really.

[designedtoparty]

Depends on me? What!?

Didn't you say prosecutor? Can prosecutors even do that?

[heelsandlaw.livejournal.com]

On your behaviour.

No, prosecutors can't, but they do make the decision whether to press charges or not in criminal cases.

[designedtoparty]

Oh, right. Okay. So, what charges are you going to press?

I made a few jokes! So what? There's no law against that. [A beat.] Is there?

[heelsandlaw.livejournal.com]

I never said anything about arresting you right now did I? There's no law against making jokes, don't worry.

In fact, there's not much of a legal system at all, but there is a police force, so I strongly advice against doing anything that would be illegal in your homeworld or that of the majority of police officers.

[designedtoparty]

Ohhhhh, I get it. You've got your eye on me. Thanks for the tip off.

[Telling him there isn't much of a legal system maaaaaayyy have been a bad idea, Cameron.]

Me? Do anything illegal? I'm a paragon of virtue, I assure you.

[heelsandlaw.livejournal.com]

Something like that.

[She's too fair to say there is when there isn't, but what he doesn't know is that she's head of the force soooo she's not worried? idk idk]

I'm sure you are. Keep it up and there'll be no arresting in your future.

[designedtoparty]

[Ffffff, yes. He may be a little freaked out when he works that out. As it is, he's not to bothered.]

I'll be on my best behaviour.

[heelsandlaw.livejournal.com]

[I was hoping it'd at least make him sweat a bit when he figures it out.]

We'll see how much that promise is worth.