010 ∞ VIDEO

[designedtoparty]

[Somehow, Nathan has got hold of a clipboard. He lounges on Eden's couch for a while, staring intently at the clipboard as though the video's an accident. It isn't, however. Which becomes apparently when Nathan sits himself up, as though to make an important announcement. He'd almost seem formal if it wasn't for his casual jeans and t-shirt.]

Ladies of the City! Preferably between the ages of 16 and 30. I'm here to show you the man of your dreams.

A while ago I promised my good friend Campbell I'd help get him laid by a lady who wasn't a serial killer. Seeing how his birthday is coming up and everything, I thought now would be a good time to live up to my word and give him that.

So, if you've managed to avoid killing someone, are relatively good looking and of the female persuasion, please step right up. I have a few questions to ask you... [At that he taps the clipboard meaningfully. Then he shrugs, dropping it on his lap.] But really, so long as you meet those three requirements, I'm sure you're probably fine.

Comments

[designedtoparty]

What, no. That you were doing the dirty on our couch. I worked that one out ages ago.

[eiremagic]

[She pauses and looks at him blankly for a minute]

We used to do it on yehr bed, back when it was his.

[designedtoparty]

[Okay. Now he's changed his mind about being open about their sex lives. That's an awful thought.]

Oh, Jesus! Really? That's horrible. I have to sleep in there, knowing what you two did. And that is really not something I want to get stuck thinking of when I'm knocking one out. No offence.

[eiremagic]

[Hah, success.]

What, I thought we were bein' so forward.

[designedtoparty]

Yeah, not about what we do in each others beds. How would you like it if I started telling about the time I got super horny and couldn't keep myself from dry humping your pillow?

Which, before you say anything, never actually happened. That's just an example.

[eiremagic]

That's because yeh're not stupid. Yeh know that both Frankie and me both have access to guns and aren' afraid to use them.

'sides, that was before even Jessica lived here.

[designedtoparty]

I don't care how long ago it was. That's still disgusting. And I could still perform unspeakable acts on your pillows.

You wouldn't shoot me, anyway. I'm too important to you.

[eiremagic]

[She snorts a little]

Yeah? And why's that?

[designedtoparty]

I'm the funny guy around here! You need a funny guy.

And I'm the good looking one.

[eiremagic]

Dunno.

I like Frankie's look better.

[designedtoparty]

Yeah, well, you're biased, aren't you?

You have to say that, or you aren't getting any couch sex later.

[eiremagic]

Just sayin', looks isn' why I keep yeh about.

[designedtoparty]

I'm not quite sure how I should take that. Is that a compliment, or are you calling me ugly?

[eiremagic]

[She rises both eyebrows]

Aren' I allowed me secrets, now?

[designedtoparty]

Not when they're about me. Under circumstances like that, I'm entitled to know!

[eiremagic]

Suffice to say I keep yeh about, Nathan.

[designedtoparty]

Except tonight, apparently.

[eiremagic]

Do yeh want to sit about and watch us?

[P A U S E]

Don' yeh fuckin' dare answer that, Nathan Young.

[designedtoparty]

I--

[His mouth is already open by the time Eden gets that last sentence out, but he snaps it shut again pretty quickly. He waits a moment, then shrugs, flopping back.]

If you don't want an answer, don't ask.

[eiremagic]

[She just wants a proper shag wherever she damn pleases]

Just be pleased I keep yeh about, okay?

[designedtoparty]

[And he just wants to be able to laugh about it. Which he's doing now, by the way.]

Okay, okay.