designedtoparty | 013 ∞ AUDIO

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013 ∞ AUDIO

[Nathan is curled up in bed, so his voice is slightly muffled by his covers.]

Okay, so is anyone else getting any more of those pains that were going on before we managed to get rid of those harpies? Or am I the lucky winner here? [He says 'we'. In reality he didn't do anything to help.]

Fuck. I think this actually feels worse than getting impaled to begin with.

[A pause and some creaking as Nathan shifts on his mattress.]

I think there's still bird shit in my bed. Those bastards better not have given me bird flu, or something.

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Sorry, had to go undercover for a bit.

I didn't exactly like the feeling of putting a bullet in my brain every night. Besides, I don't need to kill myself to get a date.

I don't need to kill myself. It just seems like an easy way to get multiples. And skip past the date part.

Hey, who am I to snuff someone's dreams? Go for it if it's what you want to do; maybe you'll have more fun then I did.

Thank you.

Although, hey. If you do want to make yourself useful, you could clue me in on some of the less painful ways of dying. I'm still kind of new to this immortality gig and so far I can't say I've found anything that works for me.

Hmmm...less painful ways...
Well, avoid javalins and broken bottles, those are probably the worst.
Gunshots only sting at first, it's when you wake up that they hurt like a bitch.

For least painful, I'd have to say overdosing. It's not dramatic or interesting really, but it's a lot like falling asleep. For that matter, so is drowning and freezing to death.

Well, since there's at least one drug that can kill me, let's stay away from the whole overdose thing.

Drowning, though... that could be an interesting act.

It's more painful than freezing or overdosing, but it's less painful than fire, so, your choice.

Of course, there are some poisons that kill you instantly, but they're harder to get a hold of.

_{[He probably shouldn't be telling the kid all of this.]}

Those'd look boring, though. I'm not going to kill myself if half the audience is going to be asleep through it.

Which ones? I'm sure a circus'd be able to get hold of them if I asked.

Sodium pentathol and Cyanide are your best bets, but if the doses aren't right you'll just feel like shit.

For the record, I don't support you trying any of these.

So why're you telling me?

Because you asked and I'm trying to distract you. I've got nothing against information, always been one for the whole 'knowledge is strength' thing, I just don't support committing suicide for other people's entertainment.