Me? I was done for eating some pick'n'mix.

[You could probably guess Nathan would post for this. You can probably also guess what he's been doing... if you can't, the soiled boxers he's wiping his hands on should be a good clue. Luckily, he's dressed. Even if he hasn't bothered doing his fly back up yet.]

I'm starting to think the deities are lightening up a bit. These curses just get better and better. [Never mind that the kissing curse turned out to be terrible. That's irrelevant by now.]

Hey, did anyone see the one with that double jointed chick? I've been trying to find a girl who can do that with her legs for years.

[And because I couldn't let this go by without some form of trauma... little does Nathan know his post is spamming people with girl-on-girl old lady porn. Just what everyone wanted to see. Some jokes never stop being old to me. :(b]

[At first the only visible are his teeth, lips drawn back in a grimace as Nathan tries to concentrate. There's a string of mozzarella stuck there. But, hey. Be fair. He was eating.

Getting the idea he's recording, Nathan holds the camera further away from him. Hey there, City. Did you miss this face? Tough luck if you didn't. You're getting it anyway. The top part of his tux is also visible. He certainly looks like he's doing better for himself than the last time he was here. Irritated, Nathan pulls a face at the camera, picking the mozzarella out of his teeth.]

Seriously? This couldn't have waited a few hours? I'm a busy man. I'm supposed to be shooting myself in... [He looks down at his watchless wrist with a squint.] Less than five. And I really can't risk taking any time where I might talk myself out of it. Those TV guys are already pissed off with me. Yeah, there's that whole memory wipe thing, but suicide takes a very specific mindset. I've been working myself up to this all day! And yesterday. Sort of.

[Disgruntled sigh.] There's no way I'm getting laid if I don't go through with this. [He looks at the camera, pleadingly.] Do you really want to take that away from me?

[ooc; Nathan is back and updated to the start of the Christmas special! Only... now he's cursed with A Road Not Taken for the weekend and his memories are of the AU fame timeline in 2x06. He'll remember this event when he's back to normal, but his memories of the timeline itself will be fuzzy.]

Okay, so some of you appear to be having money trouble. That's okay. Nothing wrong with that. But there are ways to deal with it. Helpful ways that don't include, say... selling your flatmates. I was homeless for a few months myself, so I know the tricks of the trade. And you know what? I'm happy to share.

Rule 1: Never spend money unless you have to. You're at a bar? Find someone else who'll buy you a drink. Why should you have to pay when you don't have any cash? Your friend's already smoking? Get them to hand it over. It's supposed to be a social habit. Shoplifting's fairly easy, but you have to keep your eyes open if you don't want to get caught. It's best to avoid it if you can.

[Nathan turns to pat the vending machine he's standing next to.] You want food? This is your best bet. Yes, okay, this is a drinks machine, but it's the same principle. And honestly, if you have to put in money, you want to save it for the food machine. Things like Polos'll sometimes drop multiples.

Now... [He pauses, adopting a look of concentration as he strokes the machine.] The thing you have to remember is a vending machine is a lot like a woman. You hit the right spot... [Here he abruptly draws back, falling back on the vending machine with a full on body slam.] ...she'll give you anything you ask for.

C'mon, baby. [The next ten minutes or so are filled with Nathan attacking the vending with various puches, kicks, slams and overly sexual noises. Finally, there's a clatter and Nathan bends to retrieve the fallen can. He holds it up to the camera, triumphant, panting and grinning broadly.]

And that, ladies and gents, is how you rob a vending machine. You want anymore than that, I'm charging. Hope you can still afford it.

Hey. Guy who wanted to shoot me. You want the money I'd have had to spend on that?

[Nathan is curled up in bed, so his voice is slightly muffled by his covers.]

Okay, so is anyone else getting any more of those pains that were going on before we managed to get rid of those harpies? Or am I the lucky winner here? [He says 'we'. In reality he didn't do anything to help.]

Fuck. I think this actually feels worse than getting impaled to begin with.

[A pause and some creaking as Nathan shifts on his mattress.]

I think there's still bird shit in my bed. Those bastards better not have given me bird flu, or something.

[The video opens on Nathan's face, currently a picture of mortification.]

Wait, you mean we're related!?

[Nathan manages a few seconds more before he cracks, lips twitching up before he snorts. Giving up on hiding his laughter, Nathan cuts the feed.]

ooc; There will definitely be some backtagging here! Also, backdated to the 16th.