designedtoparty | 019 ∞ VIDEO // ACTION

019 ∞ VIDEO // ACTION

[Nathan is at a pub. A very, very crowded pub. He's nursing the dregs of a beer, glaring a the people at the bar who are squished up against him.]

You know, they really ought to think it through before bringing so many people at once. How's a man supposed to get served with these bastards crowding up the place? It's really incon--

[And then he cuts off, tensing and making choked noises. His hands go up to his throat, as though trying to tear something off.]

Barry!

[And then he falls off the bar stool, kicking off the device and his pint whilst he's at it. The drinks of a few unfortunate people nearby also fall off the bar, smashing as they hit the floor. Only Nathan's flailing legs are visible on the screen now, but his wheezing and choking, with a few protests about "Barry's" actions thrown in for good mention. ("Barry, no! Don't put your cock in there!" and such. Nathan is classy as ever.)

The display is basically Nathan's equivalent of "Don't think I didn't see what happened last time. Where the hell are my friends? :|" Unfortunately, he's cut off by a rather angry sounding man.]

Oi! How many times do I have to tell you you're barred?

Am I? You only said you didn't want to see me again! You never said anything about barring.

I told you before. I won't tell you again. Get up. Now.

All right, all right... just let me get my-- [Nathan's hand covers the screen and the feed cuts off.]

[ooc: Open for anything and everything! Action outside the pub he just got thrown out of, if you don't want the devices. Blue text is just an NPC pub owner.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Meh. In different ways. Nothing wrong with a little asshole, though. In moderation.

[Pffft] Yeah, I doubt it whole-heartedly. [Headcock to the side.] I dunno if he'd be able to pull it off. Again, the muscle thing. Speaking of which, next time you queen out, you should try little bags full of raw rice. Probably cheesecloth. That's what a semi-professional said that she used for hers.

Oh. And you like a little asshole, do you? I should have known.

Hey, I can pull it off without all that. Anyway, I'm not trying to look real. I just do it for the fun.

Uuuugh, I dunno. [she lets her head loll back and she runs her hand through her hair.] See, at first I thought I did, because I like a little back and forth snark and teasing, plus the assholes are more likely to have some kinks and stuff, y'know? But I dunno, recently I've been saying 'no, no, lemme go to purely sweet and sensitive, but with a sense of humour, forget that other stuff'. Not like that turned out either, because apparently they're more likely to ascend to full-on asshole all of a sudden. [Head up again] Man, and that one guy that I asked out and rejected me? SO glad that I did, he turned so pompous, my god. And, look, don't have a hairdryer if you can't take the girl jokes. Idiot.

[She blinks and then seems to come back to the present time.] Unless you're talking about anal, or something.

No, of course you could pull it off. Just in case you were ever interested in having your own breasts. Without the aide of curses, I mean. Then again, as she said, 'Plus, if you're ever stranded, you can always eat one of your titties!' Funny shit.

[Wow. Yeah. Just... staring.]

Anal, yeah. Although if you want to talk about your other kinks, you go right ahead.

Oh, hey! That could actually come in handy. What if I ever found myself stranded on an island?

Nah, I'll save that for next visit. Maybe. [Aaaand back to grinning.]

Yeah, see? Sexy, and practical. Or, in your case, I suppose you could use it in case of emergencies during specific curses.

Why save it? For all you know this could be your last day here.

Well, you never know when they're going to happen around here. Always best to be prepared.

Doubt it. I've been 'round these parts before, and I aim to be again. Anyway, how exciting can the kinks of someone who's never even made out with anyone be?

Yeah. Real Boy Scout thinking. And what better place to have a food stash than on your body?

[He takes a moment to consider that.] Probably more exciting than average. It's always the virgins. And then they figure out most of their kinks actually kind of suck and become about as boring as everyone else.

Too bad the Scouts threw me out. They clearly don't appreciate true ingenuity.

Well, boring as far as kinks go, anyway. Tell you what, you share yours, I'll share mine.

Somehow I doubt that an organization that doesn't allow homosexuals would allow cross-dressers. Anyway, they'd assume that the latter assumed the former.

Cross dressing doesn't count? Okay. Fine. I like oral. Giving and receiving, just not at the same time. And don't say that doesn't count. There's a reason people are into that shit.

Scouts don't let homos in? How do they even tell with kids? Do they like feel them up, see which ones get horny?

Well, cross-dressing is a kink, yeah, but not necessarily a sexual one, unless it is for you, and in any case, that squares us, because I've obviously shown an inclination towards liking seeing men in drag.

Oh, come on, it so doesn't count, though! Giving oral, alright, I can kind of give you credit for that. If you were a woman, then, alright, maybe I could give you that receiving oral counted, because there's a section of the female population that doesn't enjoy it. But men not liking getting head? We're talking kinks, not 'things that the majority of the populace has a hard time saying no to', and pun intended on hard.

Nope, unless they changed it within the last week or something. And I think it's just openly homosexual. Or, you know, any sort of signs and they get kicked out. I don't think they feel them up; if they do get horny from that sort of pat-down, I think they've got some other problems aside from homoerotic tendencies.

Hey, it could be either, in my case.

I told you! We're boring. Okay, yeah, I spend the majority of my time being hell of a lot more interesting than your average male, but when you get down to the good stuff, I like my biology. And, okay, there's nothing wrong with enhancing with a trick or two, but in the end there's nothing better than the old tab A into slot B. Doesn't matter which end you're sticking it in.

I guess it doesn't really matter all that much, really. If you're going to turn out gay, you're far more likely to want to be a Brownie.

Alright, well, you're not specifying, so that's your own fault.

Hah! Yeah, one of my friends asks 'tits or ass?' a lot, to the room in general. One time someone said 'vagina' and got a standing O.

What, you mean the younger section of Girl Scouts? Like what I was in?

I shouldn't have to.

A standing orgasm?

Don't ask me. How would I know what you were into?

Ovation. Standing ovation. I don't think a room full of people can spontaneously cum because of someone saying the word vagina.

You're saying that a girl being in the Brownies is likely to be a lesbian or a boy in the Brownies is likely to be gay?

Well, it'd make things interesting, if nothing else.

Whatever. Doesn't make any difference at the end of the day.

One hell of a parlor trick, yeah.

I'd beg to differ. It's the difference between 4 nadgers and 4 boobs.

I may just have to start work on that.

Yeah, and I'm not going to be shagging either of them when they grow up, so why would I care?

Yes, I'm sure you'll make it a priority.

It makes a difference for the sake of your point, anyway.

Oh, it'll be right up there with learning to shit without taking a piss.

Both, then.

[Pauuuse] Do most guys have trouble with that?

Well, I dunno about Brownies, but I can tell you that girls only schools have a tendency towards producing girls that like girls. I've got a bunch of friends that went to one- all but one of them came out of it like that.

I don't know. The guy who did that radio asylum certainly seemed to have trouble with it.

Really? Too bad my mum never sent me to a girls school. I bet I could've shagged it out of them in no time.

Huh. Fascinating. Well, you learn something new every day.

Oh, yes. Because, one, you would've easily gotten in, two, you can absolutely change hundreds of sexualities with your penis, and three, especially bisexuality? Yeah. That totally works. Your dick's magic.

Oh, come on. It's a girls school. I think we both know the only reason half those dykes are dykes is because they've never had the chance to have a dick inside them.

Oh my god.

Oh my god. There's so much wrong with that statement- I just- no, you know what? I'm gonna go ahead and assume you're fucking with me, and just mention that I never said they were lesbians; just that they liked girls.

All that means is that you have potential for funnier stories. *patpat*

Ha, yeah, I guess there's always that. XD

I wouldn't worry too much about it. I'm sure I've heard worse. No shame!

Fffff, shame shouldn't even be in my vocabulary, given this guy. XD

He's a comparitive unit! 'I'm about an eighth Nathan. Not bad at all, yeah?'

Ohhhh, that is pretty awesome. From now on, everything will be measured in Nathan!

'What've you been up to this weekend?' 'Double-Nathaning.' 'You should probably go to the hospital.'

Double-Nathaning definitely sounds like something hospital worthy. D:

Fff, oh, definitely.

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All that means is that you have potential for funnier stories. patpat