Nathan Young (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
designedtoparty) wrote2011-01-30 08:06 pm
designedtoparty) wrote2011-01-30 08:06 pm
001 ∞ VIDEO
[The video opens with a bewildered looking youth in a grubby, orange jumpsuit holding the camera at arms length. When he speaks, the Irish accent quickly becomes apparent.]
Okay, first off I'd like to thank whoever conveniently decided to leave me with some form of communication, even if it is utterly useless for getting in touch with people I actually care about.
Second? A big fuck you to whoever's fault it is that I appear to be stuck here. I mean, come on! What the fuck!? Clearly I'm not dead, because hello? Immortal. So, what could possibly be going on here?
[At that he drops the confused look, rolling his eyes and looking annoyed instead.]
Oh, wait. Of course! It's something to do with the storm. Which is just a shocker, I know. It's not like that happens every week, or anything.
[A beat. Just waiting for that sarcasm to sink in, then...]
Ohhhhhh, no, sorry. It does. So, I know exactly what's going on here. It's someone's fucked up idea of a super power. Which means you're either a beautiful, barely legal girl, planning on doing something horrible to me, or...
[Nathan gasps, eyes widening with 'realisation'.]
You!
You're the probation worker. You sick bastard! I thought I could trust you. For once, I thought we had a probation worker we could trust. To guide us, to reform us, to refrain from trying to brutally murder us...
Instead you're pulling me into your sick, perverted fantasies, so you can have your filthy way with me.
[Throwing a dramatic arm over his face, Nathan lets out a loud, false sob.]
Be gentle with me. No one's ever taken me that way before.
Okay, first off I'd like to thank whoever conveniently decided to leave me with some form of communication, even if it is utterly useless for getting in touch with people I actually care about.
Second? A big fuck you to whoever's fault it is that I appear to be stuck here. I mean, come on! What the fuck!? Clearly I'm not dead, because hello? Immortal. So, what could possibly be going on here?
[At that he drops the confused look, rolling his eyes and looking annoyed instead.]
Oh, wait. Of course! It's something to do with the storm. Which is just a shocker, I know. It's not like that happens every week, or anything.
[A beat. Just waiting for that sarcasm to sink in, then...]
Ohhhhhh, no, sorry. It does. So, I know exactly what's going on here. It's someone's fucked up idea of a super power. Which means you're either a beautiful, barely legal girl, planning on doing something horrible to me, or...
[Nathan gasps, eyes widening with 'realisation'.]
You!
You're the probation worker. You sick bastard! I thought I could trust you. For once, I thought we had a probation worker we could trust. To guide us, to reform us, to refrain from trying to brutally murder us...
Instead you're pulling me into your sick, perverted fantasies, so you can have your filthy way with me.
[Throwing a dramatic arm over his face, Nathan lets out a loud, false sob.]
Be gentle with me. No one's ever taken me that way before.
voice
Ohhhh, no. I'm not a probation worker. I'm an offender. Sorry, man. Didn't mean to mislead you.
Curse day?
voice
When the City starts to act up. Strange things happen. People suddenly change genders. Other things. Unpredictable. Many things can happen. Not only what I've described.
voice
[A pause. Nathan might be a snarky little twat, but that throws even him off his game.] Sorry, did you just say change genders? As in, I might suddenly become a woman?
voice
Should be fine. Research said that the very chaotic curse day where everyone seemingly comes down with different effects happens irregularly. Happened this month. Shouldn't happen again soon. But yes. Change gender. Go from sexually active to having a definite chastity vow. City loves to throw unpredictability at us.
voice
No way. I am not becoming a woman. Ever. And I fully intend to remain sexually active for as long as I remain here. For the sake of its poor, underprivileged women, who have to deal with men taking chastity vows, of all things.
voice
Huh. Expecting you to be very chaste come the next chaotic day of curses. Although question how you'll attract a mate at this point with that type of attitude on a normal basis.
voice
Question? Come on, man. You saw my video. I'm beautiful. Why wouldn't you?
voice
Looks are one thing. Personality another. Looks may attract, but personality keeps them there.
voice
Where the fuck's Salaria meant to be, anyway?
Who said anything about keeping them there?
voice
Word gets around. Negative attention.
voice
That doesn't make a difference. Trust me. Sometimes a girl's just got an itch, and if I'm the one around to scratch it... she lets me scratch it good.
voice
...and not everyone is looking to have that itch scratched. Especially with potential of disease. Want responsible partners.
voice
Maybe I'm not making myself clear... I don't care about those girls. I care about the ones who do want it. And the occasional girly boys who have got me drunk enough to let them give me a blow job.
voice
Give it a couple of years. When instincts for definite companionship and need for spawn come around. Base desires change.
voice
Years? Try a couple decades, mate. I'm going to be investing in condoms for a good long while yet.
voice
All the good mates are probably going to be gone by then. And possibly your chief attributes which you use to attract them with. Time isn't pretty to any species.
voice
Clearly you're still lacking an understanding of basic human culture. By then only the best girls will be left. And lucky for me, my looks will still mostly be in tact. My dad might be a useless prick, but at least I know I'll still have hair when I'm old. I mean, I'll have to dye it, but at least I won't be bald.
voice
No, have an understanding of human culture. May not understand it at times but still. Severely doubt best girls will be left by then. The most desirable mates are generally taken out of the population first.
voice
You obviously don't. You know what happens to the best girls who marry themselves off early? They realise what a cunt their husband is and leave them. Which leaves them, along with the ones who were smart enough not to throw their lives away before they hit the big three-oh, to guys like me.
voice
Forgetting that their former husbands may have changed their opinions in some way. That or they've sworn men off entirely.
voice
Sorry, but do you really think you get this better than I do? I lived through this shit, man. I understand it. Completely. I don't need you to explain it to me, okay?
voice
Sorry. Am a doctor. See a lot of things.
voice
And I am a man. A human man. I rest my case. [What case, Nathan?]
voice
You're point? Don't see how it correlates with what we were talking about.
voice
Because I know what it's like through experience. It's kind of like if I started claiming to understand the plights of a Neanderthal.
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