designedtoparty | 001 ∞ VIDEO

[The video opens with a bewildered looking youth in a grubby, orange jumpsuit holding the camera at arms length. When he speaks, the Irish accent quickly becomes apparent.]

Okay, first off I'd like to thank whoever conveniently decided to leave me with some form of communication, even if it is utterly useless for getting in touch with people I actually care about.

Second? A big fuck you to whoever's fault it is that I appear to be stuck here. I mean, come on! What the fuck!? Clearly I'm not dead, because hello? Immortal. So, what could possibly be going on here?

[At that he drops the confused look, rolling his eyes and looking annoyed instead.]

Oh, wait. Of course! It's something to do with the storm. Which is just a shocker, I know. It's not like that happens every week, or anything.

[A beat. Just waiting for that sarcasm to sink in, then...]

Ohhhhhh, no, sorry. It does. So, I know exactly what's going on here. It's someone's fucked up idea of a super power. Which means you're either a beautiful, barely legal girl, planning on doing something horrible to me, or...

[Nathan gasps, eyes widening with 'realisation'.]

You!

You're the probation worker. You sick bastard! I thought I could trust you. For once, I thought we had a probation worker we could trust. To guide us, to reform us, to refrain from trying to brutally murder us...

Instead you're pulling me into your sick, perverted fantasies, so you can have your filthy way with me.

[Throwing a dramatic arm over his face, Nathan lets out a loud, false sob.]

Be gentle with me. No one's ever taken me that way before.

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I'm naturally skinny! If you're hoping to fatten me up, I think you'll be disappointed. But you're right, it has been a while.

[A pause]

Do yeh want to get fat?

What? No! Why would I want to get fat? I was just warning you, in case you're into that kind of thing.

Fuck if I know, some twats are into that shite.

Well, lucky for you, I'm not. Not only that, but I can eat however much I want without ever having a weight problem.

[She leads him into one of the buildings]

Is it the immortality shite?

[Nathan takes a final smoke from his joint, tossing whatever's left of it behind him before he follows her in.]

No. The immortality's a more recent thing. I got that in a storm.

How do yeh get somethin' like that in a storm?

[And to the stairs, Eden never lives above the third floor of a building just in case]

[He shrugs, still tagging along after her.]

I don't know. I just did, okay? It was a very weird sort of storm.

[She stops in front of a door]

Okay, okay, shite storms aside - I have a flatmate [boyfriend] whose name is Frankie. Just so yeh know. He's at work, but he'll be home later.

[Pssshhh, Frankie. Nathan's not impressed that there's someone there to take attention away from him, but he offers up a false smile all the same.]

Right. Cool. So, I'm guessing you won't need me to defend you if this Frankie should happen to walk through the door?

No. Just don' be a dick.

[And she opens the door. It smells like baking bread]

What? No! Why would I be? I'm sure he's a delight.

[Mmmm, bread. Nathan doesn't hesitate to waltz right in, inhaling appreciatively, all too happy to follow his nose to the kitchen.] So, you got anything I could eat now? I'm starving.

Just sayin'.

Bread's just out of the oven, cut a slice if yeh like.

[She's just checking into Jessica's room to make sure that there's nothing that she wouldn't want messed with out in plain view.]

[Nathan had been about to just tear off hunk of bread with his hands. But he has just moved in. He really doesn't want to end up homeless again so quickly, so he takes the extra time to find a knife and cut himself an oversized slice.

Whenever she's done checking the room, she'll be able to find Nathan slouched against the counter, chewing the bread with a blissed out expression on his face. Why doesn't he have fresh bread more often?]

[She comes out of the dark room - all the windows are blocked off, no sunlight allowed - after stashing some things and almost bursts out laughing]

Yeh were really hungry, yeah?

[If he stays he'll have fresh bread a lot, she bakes at least three loaves a week]

[Nathan attempts to swallow, but he's taken a big enough mouthful he can't swallow all the bread at once. Giving up, he grins, replying with his mouth still full.]

Hey, if you'd been living off food out of vending machines for the last few months, you'd be hungry, too!

[She pulls out a pan and a few eggs, some bacon, two kinds of bread, black pudding and begins to make an Ulster Fry]

If yeh were' immortal, yeh'd be dead on that diet.

[Not being the helpful sort, Nathan just hangs around the stove, possibly getting in the way occasionally as she cooks. He's very pleased with how firmly on his feet he seems to have landed here. He's only just got here and he can already see that this is miles better than squatting in a community centre.]

Well, I guess it's lucky I am. Couldn't deprive the world of me, now, could we?

[Get too in the way and she'll swat you with her spatula - and not nicely]

I'm sure the world would manage.

[Owwwwww, fine. He'll hang back. :(]

Perhaps. But it would be a crying shame, don't you think?

Dunno yeh well enough.

[She plates up for him and passes it over with a fork.]

[The food distracts him enough that he doesn't come back with an answer for that. Just the smell of food has reminded him how hungry he's been lately and by now he's feeling famished. After shovelling down a few forkfuls, Nathan looks back over at her.]

You are wonderful. I can only hope that everything you cook is up to this sort of standard.

[She turns a bright red, which is ridiculously obvious]

Well, I mean.

Eat yehr black puddin'.

[And she shakes her head as if that can make her blush go away]

[Nathan's very pleased to note that blush. Oh, yes. He's definitely got it.]

You have no idea how much I wish I was black right now, just so's I could make some sort of joke about that.

[He does do as he's told, though.]

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