001 ∞ VIDEO

[designedtoparty]

[The video opens with a bewildered looking youth in a grubby, orange jumpsuit holding the camera at arms length. When he speaks, the Irish accent quickly becomes apparent.]

Okay, first off I'd like to thank whoever conveniently decided to leave me with some form of communication, even if it is utterly useless for getting in touch with people I actually care about.

Second? A big fuck you to whoever's fault it is that I appear to be stuck here. I mean, come on! What the fuck!? Clearly I'm not dead, because hello? Immortal. So, what could possibly be going on here?

[At that he drops the confused look, rolling his eyes and looking annoyed instead.]

Oh, wait. Of course! It's something to do with the storm. Which is just a shocker, I know. It's not like that happens every week, or anything.

[A beat. Just waiting for that sarcasm to sink in, then...]

Ohhhhhh, no, sorry. It does. So, I know exactly what's going on here. It's someone's fucked up idea of a super power. Which means you're either a beautiful, barely legal girl, planning on doing something horrible to me, or...

[Nathan gasps, eyes widening with 'realisation'.]

You!

You're the probation worker. You sick bastard! I thought I could trust you. For once, I thought we had a probation worker we could trust. To guide us, to reform us, to refrain from trying to brutally murder us...

Instead you're pulling me into your sick, perverted fantasies, so you can have your filthy way with me.

[Throwing a dramatic arm over his face, Nathan lets out a loud, false sob.]

Be gentle with me. No one's ever taken me that way before.

Comments

[heelsandlaw.livejournal.com]

Now you're just full of yourself. You couldn't hold a candle to Jack if you tried.

[designedtoparty]

You just keep believing that. If you change your mind, I'll be around.

[heelsandlaw.livejournal.com]

Let me guess. Anything I could possibly say would only encourage you.

[designedtoparty]

Got it in one! It's like you know me already...

[heelsandlaw.livejournal.com]

Maybe you're just not very difficult to predict.

[designedtoparty]

Or maybe that's just what I want you to think.

[heelsandlaw.livejournal.com]

Entirely possible. That's what the word 'maybe' was for, after all.

[designedtoparty]

And yet it sounded so much like you were ruling it out.

[heelsandlaw.livejournal.com]

And yet linguistically, I did no such thing.

[designedtoparty]

You're not too big on the whole stating your opinions thing, are you?

[heelsandlaw.livejournal.com]

Really depends on what you mean by that.

[designedtoparty]

Like that! See? You could just give me a simple yes or no. Instead I just get some vague response that doesn't really mean anything.

[heelsandlaw.livejournal.com]

Maybe that's just who I am. Or maybe I like messing with you.

[designedtoparty]

And again!

Although I am opting for the latter, in this case. I am very fun to mess with. Please don't hesitate to take that in whatever way you will.

[heelsandlaw.livejournal.com]

Close, but no cigar. Both options were true.

[designedtoparty]

Hey! That's cheating. You can't give me two true answers to choose from. Whatever happened to the good old days where you got a true and a false?

I think I should get a consultation for that one. Like, say... a nice spliff. It's only fair!

[heelsandlaw.livejournal.com]

I never said one had to be false. You assumed that one all on your own.

You wish.

...aaaaand that is why I shouldn't tag from my phone. Consolation prize, that should be. >.>

[designedtoparty]

You wanted me to assume! It was a trick question!

I do wish.

the hazards of phones~! xD

[heelsandlaw.livejournal.com]

Quite possibly. But if I wanted you to assume, that means it was deliberate and if it was deliberate, why would I give you a consolation prize?

I'm prone enough to ridiculous typos without them!

[designedtoparty]

To make it up to me. It was very cruel of you.

Same here..... /flails

[heelsandlaw.livejournal.com]

Are you honestly expecting sympathy?

[designedtoparty]

[A pause.] Well, no. Not really.

But I think I deserve some!

[heelsandlaw.livejournal.com]

And why's that?

[designedtoparty]

Because I'm new. I'm all alone. I'm scared. And now you're denying me my right to some good, old fashioned drugs.

[heelsandlaw.livejournal.com]

A, I'm not denying you any right because there is no right to those drugs; B, I didn't deny you any alleged right, I just said I wouldn't supply you and C, you just asked a criminal prosecutor for drugs. Want to try that again?