designedtoparty | 002 ∞ VIDEO

002 ∞ VIDEO

[Hello, City. Today you are being treated to a lovely view of a scrawny, still kind of malnourished Nathan in nothing but his briefs. Should you be pleased? Well, he certainly seems to think so.]

Deities! Or anyone else who knows their way around a washing machine. I have an irresistible offer for you to take me up on.

Since my flatmate refuses to do my laundry for me, I've been left with no choice but to resort to other means.

What are these other means, you might ask. To which I respond, this. [Nathan trails his hands sloooowwwwwwwly down his torso, hands coming to a rest just above his crotch.]

That's right. In exchange for washing my clothes, I offer you my body, to do with as you wish. This will be an ongoing agreement, naturally. Unless your services aren't up to my standards, in which case I reserve the right to put a stop to any agreement we might have.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Campbell thinks this is the funniest shit ever on one side and on the other side.....maybe....it's a good idea?]

You don't think that'll actually work, do you?

I mean, will it?

Has it? Cos I've just been washing my clothes in the sink if they need it. [Read as: once. So far.]

I don't know. I've never had to resort to this before. It's just something I'm trying out.

Can y' tell me if it does? Sounds like killing two birds wi' one stone, that. If it works, o' course. And it doesnae just alienate every girl in the City.

Sure, man. Just hang back until I've sorted something, yeah? It was my idea, so it's only fair that I get first dibs.

Yeah, alright, fair enough. Might only work wi' you, actually, cos this seems like the sort of thing you'd end up with a serial killer by mistake. And I no can come back from that. Well, I will come back but I willnae be able t' go home after. I amnae immortal.

Ohhhhhhh. Serial killers. I hadn't thought of that.

Well, you are offerin' your body on the Network. That can be interpreted more ways than one y' know. Or maybe cannibals. Or vampires; those exist here, apparently.

I don't know... Maybe a vampire wouldn't be so bad. So long as she was one of those sexy vampires, with lots of leather and massive tits.

Aye, but the other stuff'd be pretty bad.

Well, if you're worried I suppose I could give them a test drive for you. I could let you know whether they killed me or not.

You are a superhero. Does it no hurt?

Like a bitch.

Jesus. And you're still gonna do it?

Why not? I might get a shag out of it.

...

True. And serial killers are bound t' be pretty obvious, aren't they?

Yeah. The knife through the chest tends to be a dead giveaway.

I meant before then, they're bound t' be shifty but aye, I imagine them killin' you would be a pretty good clue.

Some people are just naturally shifty! I know this one guy who looks like a right weirdo. You know the type. You see them in the street and think they'd kill you soon as look at you. And okay, so maybe he's killed a few people, but I wouldn't go so far as to call him a serial killer...

Just killing one person's enough if the person's you.

Which is exactly why I'm offering to take the fall for you.

[Which is a total lie. But Campbell doesn't need to know that.]

Well, like I said, I'm starting t' believe y' really are a superhero.

You mean you didn't before? Honestly, anyone would think you didn't trust me!

002 ∞ VIDEO

video; 1/?

video; 2/3

video; 3/3

video;

video;

video;

video;

video;

video;

video;

video;

video;

video;

video;

video;

video;

video; 1/2

video;

video;

video;

video;

video;

video;

video;

video;

video;

video;

video;

video;

video;

video;

video;