010 ∞ VIDEO

[designedtoparty]

[Somehow, Nathan has got hold of a clipboard. He lounges on Eden's couch for a while, staring intently at the clipboard as though the video's an accident. It isn't, however. Which becomes apparently when Nathan sits himself up, as though to make an important announcement. He'd almost seem formal if it wasn't for his casual jeans and t-shirt.]

Ladies of the City! Preferably between the ages of 16 and 30. I'm here to show you the man of your dreams.

A while ago I promised my good friend Campbell I'd help get him laid by a lady who wasn't a serial killer. Seeing how his birthday is coming up and everything, I thought now would be a good time to live up to my word and give him that.

So, if you've managed to avoid killing someone, are relatively good looking and of the female persuasion, please step right up. I have a few questions to ask you... [At that he taps the clipboard meaningfully. Then he shrugs, dropping it on his lap.] But really, so long as you meet those three requirements, I'm sure you're probably fine.

Comments

[eiremagic]

Sure.

Got a place to stay tonight?

[designedtoparty]

Unless you threw me out when I wasn't paying attention properly.

[eiremagic]

Nah, yeh're still livin' here. But yeh need to find a place to crash tonight.

[designedtoparty]

Yeah, okay. I'll ask around. See who can put me up for the night.

[eiremagic]

I'll feed yeh before yeh leave.

[designedtoparty]

Oh, well. At least we know I won't starve to death.

What sort of time will you let me back?

[eiremagic]

Come back at three am, if yeh like.

[designedtoparty]

Wait, are you kicking me out for sex?

[eiremagic]

[SILENCE]

If I want to shag me boyfriend on me own couch then it's what's goin' to happen, fuck.

[designedtoparty]

[Naturally, Nathan thinks this is hilarious. He'll probably be laughing for a while now.]

You would kill me if I did that. Jesus.

[eiremagic]

[She's bright red]

I'm the one that pays rent.

[designedtoparty]

[Which just makes it even funnier to him. He grins, throwing a friendly arm over her shoulder.]

Hey, I'm not getting at you, or anything. Don't worry. It's a great couch for that kind of thing. I've killed many a beast when I was still sleeping on there.

[eiremagic]

[And now she's even redder]

For fuck's sake, Nathan!

[designedtoparty]

[Nathan just shrugs.]

I'm just saying. It's perfectly natural. No need to get all embarrassed about it.

[eiremagic]

I'm going to have to clean me bloody couch.

[designedtoparty]

Well, I don't think there's going to be much point until you're done shagging on it.

[eiremagic]

Oh for fuck's sake I shouldn' of told yeh.

[designedtoparty]

No. It's good for us to be open about our sex lives. I'm sure I'd have realised sooner or later. I have very good instincts about these things.

[eiremagic]

Realized I was with Frankie? I thought that would be obvious.

[designedtoparty]

What, no. That you were doing the dirty on our couch. I worked that one out ages ago.

[eiremagic]

[She pauses and looks at him blankly for a minute]

We used to do it on yehr bed, back when it was his.

[designedtoparty]

[Okay. Now he's changed his mind about being open about their sex lives. That's an awful thought.]

Oh, Jesus! Really? That's horrible. I have to sleep in there, knowing what you two did. And that is really not something I want to get stuck thinking of when I'm knocking one out. No offence.

[eiremagic]

[Hah, success.]

What, I thought we were bein' so forward.

[designedtoparty]

Yeah, not about what we do in each others beds. How would you like it if I started telling about the time I got super horny and couldn't keep myself from dry humping your pillow?

Which, before you say anything, never actually happened. That's just an example.

[eiremagic]

That's because yeh're not stupid. Yeh know that both Frankie and me both have access to guns and aren' afraid to use them.

'sides, that was before even Jessica lived here.