designedtoparty | 012 ∞ VIDEO // ACTION

[Nathan is standing with his arms outstretched, his right arm with five ravens perched on it, and four crows on his left. His left shoulder is occupied by a blue and gold macaw. Despite being covered in a fair amount of bird poo (his navy hoodie may not have been his best choice today), he looks pretty pleased.]

Hey, Captain Birdseye. Say cunt.

[The macaw, Captain Birdseye, just whistles at him, much to Nathan's disappointment.]

No, cunt. C'mon, man. Say it with me. Cunt!

[This time he gets a screech and a click. Which still doesn't impress him. He frowns, starting to get a bit irritated.]

Cunt.

[Click. Nathan glares at him, sulkily.] Fine. Don't say it. [Side eye, then he mutters under his breath.] Twat.

[Screeeeeeeeeeeech.] Wanker. [Click, click, click. And then he's cleaning his feathers.]

What the fuck?! Where'd you get wanker from? I gave up on teaching you that one ages ago.

[Birdseye ignores him in favour of cleaning. Nathan pouts, arms drooping a little.] How long is this going to last for? My arms hurt.

[If you want action, Nathan is around the city, charging at random people with his bird flock.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

So?

What about 'plethora'? I could teach him to say that! It's my favourite word.

I don't even know what that means. Why would I want you to teach it to him?

It means 'many'. But is way more fun to say than 'many'. Like you have a plethora of birds.

Are you sure you can't teach him cunt?

Nope, sorry. Out of my skill set.

Twat?

What's that one mean?

Many?

[Nathan, you clever bugger. Luckily Dulcie is suspicious enough to look it up on her device first.]

Oh come on! Don't you know any other words?

Aw, come on! I thought you said you didn't know what that meant?

Yeah, but I own a dictionary!

You do know I could come over there right now and smack you if I wanted to?

Why would you want to?

'cause it's funny?

It isn't funny!

It's painful and needlessly cruel.

But funny!

Maybe for you!

Exactly! Which is why I will continue doing it. ALL THE TIME.

That hurts. I thought we were friends.

I hope you're at least planning on kissing my smack wounds better. Otherwise I'm pretty sure that qualifies as abuse.

[Dulcie is suddenly behind Nathan. She has a small sparrow perched on her shoulder, who's been dolled up with a few streaks of pink paint across her back.]

Does that mean you want me to punch you in the face? Because I would be totally up for kissing that one better.

[Nathan spins around to face her, backing away warily.]

Hey, hey, hey! I thought we'd agreed on smacking.

So, open palmed. And preferably away from the face. We can even skip that part, if you wanted to.

What's the fun in that for me, though?

[Dulcie takes aim, and gives him an impressive open-hand smack on the side of his arm. Before he's had too much time to complain, though, she's grabbed him by the front of his hoodie and yanked him down to her level. (Nathan, start hanging out with taller girls) With a tight grip on his sweater, she presses her lips fiercely against his. Once she's sure he's suitable silenced, she pulls back.]

You do realize you're covered in bird poo?

[He barely has time to manage an offended 'ow!' before she's yanked him down. Which, for all his talk, is completely unexpected. He hardly has a chance to register what's happening before she pulls back. He's also a little slow to take in what she's saying once she has pulled back.] What?

Oh. Yeah. They won't stop shitting.