Me? I was done for eating some pick'n'mix.

[Dulcie's living room is unusually full of baby things today. Nathan isn't exactly an unusual feature, but Stephen Stills' cat probably is. Little Neil is held up to the camera in a more than slightly ridiculous Christmas outfit. Nathan has claw marks across his face, but that doesn't seem to have any impact on his mood. He looks tearfully proud of the unhappy cat in his arms. For once it looks like it might even be genuine.]

Isn't he the cutest? I think he's got your eyes. And your smile.

[The cat is... definitely not smiling. He's pretty confined in his current position, but that doesn't stop him grumbling warningly. Nathan doesn't even notice, leaning forward to kiss Dulcie, who's giggling from the other end of the camera. Nathan's obscuring the view at this point, but an angry hiss can be heard as Neil struggles free, and the camera refocuses on him stumbling his way over to the other side of the room. Stupid elf shoes.

After watching Neil find a suitable hiding place, Nathan turns back to beam at the camera.] He's coming along so fast. I can't believe how well he's crawling already.

[ooc: Both Nathan and Dulcie are affected by it's a Boat, it's a Bug, it's Ours. Dulcie and Little Neil godmodded lovingly with Marion's permission.]

[Nathan is slouched with his hood up in Eden's bathroom a secret location. This was not the Halloween he was hoping for.]

Okay, so when we're all done reenacting Cannibal Holocaust, can we please go back to treating this holiday with a bit of respect? The only thing we should be eating here is pussy. [Oh, wait. Forgetting something.] And chocolate. Preferably together.

I mean, come on. What is Halloween if not an excuse to dress like a retard and pick up cheap, slutty chicks in even cheaper bars? I should not have to worry about weird zombie curses today of all days.

[You could probably guess Nathan would post for this. You can probably also guess what he's been doing... if you can't, the soiled boxers he's wiping his hands on should be a good clue. Luckily, he's dressed. Even if he hasn't bothered doing his fly back up yet.]

I'm starting to think the deities are lightening up a bit. These curses just get better and better. [Never mind that the kissing curse turned out to be terrible. That's irrelevant by now.]

Hey, did anyone see the one with that double jointed chick? I've been trying to find a girl who can do that with her legs for years.

[And because I couldn't let this go by without some form of trauma... little does Nathan know his post is spamming people with girl-on-girl old lady porn. Just what everyone wanted to see. Some jokes never stop being old to me. :(b]

Truth or dare? Sure, I could go for that.

I dare someone to take a shit in front of the police station. Bonus points if you can get in there and do it on Flame-o's desk.

Okay, so some of you appear to be having money trouble. That's okay. Nothing wrong with that. But there are ways to deal with it. Helpful ways that don't include, say... selling your flatmates. I was homeless for a few months myself, so I know the tricks of the trade. And you know what? I'm happy to share.

Rule 1: Never spend money unless you have to. You're at a bar? Find someone else who'll buy you a drink. Why should you have to pay when you don't have any cash? Your friend's already smoking? Get them to hand it over. It's supposed to be a social habit. Shoplifting's fairly easy, but you have to keep your eyes open if you don't want to get caught. It's best to avoid it if you can.

[Nathan turns to pat the vending machine he's standing next to.] You want food? This is your best bet. Yes, okay, this is a drinks machine, but it's the same principle. And honestly, if you have to put in money, you want to save it for the food machine. Things like Polos'll sometimes drop multiples.

Now... [He pauses, adopting a look of concentration as he strokes the machine.] The thing you have to remember is a vending machine is a lot like a woman. You hit the right spot... [Here he abruptly draws back, falling back on the vending machine with a full on body slam.] ...she'll give you anything you ask for.

C'mon, baby. [The next ten minutes or so are filled with Nathan attacking the vending with various puches, kicks, slams and overly sexual noises. Finally, there's a clatter and Nathan bends to retrieve the fallen can. He holds it up to the camera, triumphant, panting and grinning broadly.]

And that, ladies and gents, is how you rob a vending machine. You want anymore than that, I'm charging. Hope you can still afford it.

Hey. Guy who wanted to shoot me. You want the money I'd have had to spend on that?

[Nathan is standing with his arms outstretched, his right arm with five ravens perched on it, and four crows on his left. His left shoulder is occupied by a blue and gold macaw. Despite being covered in a fair amount of bird poo (his navy hoodie may not have been his best choice today), he looks pretty pleased.]

Hey, Captain Birdseye. Say cunt.

[The macaw, Captain Birdseye, just whistles at him, much to Nathan's disappointment.]

No, cunt. C'mon, man. Say it with me. Cunt!

[This time he gets a screech and a click. Which still doesn't impress him. He frowns, starting to get a bit irritated.]

Cunt.

[Click. Nathan glares at him, sulkily.] Fine. Don't say it. [Side eye, then he mutters under his breath.] Twat.

[Screeeeeeeeeeeech.] Wanker. [Click, click, click. And then he's cleaning his feathers.]

What the fuck?! Where'd you get wanker from? I gave up on teaching you that one ages ago.

[Birdseye ignores him in favour of cleaning. Nathan pouts, arms drooping a little.] How long is this going to last for? My arms hurt.

[If you want action, Nathan is around the city, charging at random people with his bird flock.]

[Nathan, who's made sure the camera is far enough back to show off his entire body, is kitted out in a denim mini skirt and a skimpy spaghetti top. It also looks as though there may be a badly stuffed bra underneath that. He's barefooted at the moment, but there's a stray strappy sandle next to one of his feet.

Besides him is a fox, wearing a pink, lacy bra.]

City! As a good friend of mine once told me, "every man dies, but not every man really lives". Which is why, now my soul has presented herself to me, I have decided to embrace the truth and live my life as a woman. I can't lie to myself any longer. Not when the truth's right there in front of me.

Now, boys... I know it's tempting, but just so you know, I am definitely a lesbian. So, no touching.

And thank you, inner fox lady, for revealing this to me.

[Bending down, Nathan gives the fox a sloppy kiss on the nose. She looks smug, giving his cheek an equally sloppy lick.]

Now all you need is a new name. Maybe one of them can think one up?

Nah. Fuck 'em. I can think of my own name. Anyway, you're forgetting surgery.

Naming seems easier. And less painful.

Hey, you know what they say. You can't have pussy without having some pain.

[With a grin, Nathan disconnects the feed.]

[ooc; Nathan will be affected by Daemon Day for the entire weekend. Orange text is his daemon, regular text is Nathan. And, no. He didn't pay for those clothes. So if police types want to have had reports of Nathan not-so-subtly hanging around with a fox making off with women's clothing, feel free. \o>]

[The video opens on Nathan's face, currently a picture of mortification.]

Wait, you mean we're related!?

[Nathan manages a few seconds more before he cracks, lips twitching up before he snorts. Giving up on hiding his laughter, Nathan cuts the feed.]

ooc; There will definitely be some backtagging here! Also, backdated to the 16th.