012 ∞ VIDEO // ACTION

[designedtoparty]

[Nathan is standing with his arms outstretched, his right arm with five ravens perched on it, and four crows on his left. His left shoulder is occupied by a blue and gold macaw. Despite being covered in a fair amount of bird poo (his navy hoodie may not have been his best choice today), he looks pretty pleased.]

Hey, Captain Birdseye. Say cunt.

[The macaw, Captain Birdseye, just whistles at him, much to Nathan's disappointment.]

No, cunt. C'mon, man. Say it with me. Cunt!

[This time he gets a screech and a click. Which still doesn't impress him. He frowns, starting to get a bit irritated.]

Cunt.

[Click. Nathan glares at him, sulkily.] Fine. Don't say it. [Side eye, then he mutters under his breath.] Twat.

[Screeeeeeeeeeeech.] Wanker. [Click, click, click. And then he's cleaning his feathers.]

What the fuck?! Where'd you get wanker from? I gave up on teaching you that one ages ago.

[Birdseye ignores him in favour of cleaning. Nathan pouts, arms drooping a little.] How long is this going to last for? My arms hurt.

[If you want action, Nathan is around the city, charging at random people with his bird flock.]

Comments

[eiremagic]

Well, yeah.

[She's not seeing the correlation, here, Nathan.]

[designedtoparty]

Yeah. And?

[Because there is no correlation, apart from the one in Nathan's head.]

[eiremagic]

Yeh're a wanker, and I like yeh.

[designedtoparty]

Oh.

[Pause.]

I don't think the birds like me.

[eiremagic]

Birds don' like anyone.

[designedtoparty]

Why do so many people keep them, then?

Being all despising kind of makes them a shit choice for a pet.

[eiremagic]

Right, Nathan, because I'm likely to know. I don' keep any pets.

'less I count yeh.

[designedtoparty]

Either I should be really offended, or worried you have some kind of human pet fetish I haven't found out about yet.

[eiremagic]

Wanker.

[designedtoparty]

Does that mean it's the second option?

[eiremagic]

Yeh know I hear killin' yeh is a great form of stress relief.

[designedtoparty]

Says who?

[eiremagic]

Me.

[designedtoparty]

You don't know that!

It hurts! And personally I find it does more to cause stress than relieve it.

[eiremagic]

Well, for yeh, sure.

[designedtoparty]

And my feelings don't come into this?

It's my life.

[eiremagic]

It'll only hurt for a minute.

[designedtoparty]

Maybe physically. But emotionally, I may never recover.

And would you really be able to look at me after that? Knowing you'd robbed your poor, beautiful, defenceless flatmate of his life?

[eiremagic]

Beautiful?

[designedtoparty]

Look, I get that average is more your type, but you can't say it isn't true.

[eiremagic]

What?

[designedtoparty]

Well, what do you think, given you were questioning my beauty just a moment ago?

[eiremagic]

Frankie is not average.

[designedtoparty]

Uhhhhhhh, yes, he is.

I was even being kind of generous there.

[eiremagic]

First off, I wouldn't mistake his hair for a bloody mop. And he's not a skinny little shite, either.

If he's average, yeh may as well be a fuckin' dog, Nathan.