015 ∞ VIDEO

[designedtoparty]

[Here is Nathan, sporting a very expensive looking suit (stolen by someone who wasn't him, thank you very much) and looking extremely worked up about something.]

Hey! Hey, cop fellers. Since you're always so keen to get on my back over nothing, I thought you might like to deal with some real crime for a change. I know you were too wrapped up with other, no doubt more important stuff to bother the last time I got murdered, but maybe this time you could try doing your jobs for a change.

So I got stabbed, right? I don't know what I got stabbed with, mind. It might have been sword, or something. I'm kind of fuzzy here, so it's hard to say for sure.

Anyway, that bit's all fine. Not that I want people to kill me, but stabbing's fairly tame. Only this guy must've been completely insane. I woke up, and my clothes were just gone. He'd put me in this thing instead. [He tugs at the lapels of his suit jacket here, then continues with his rant.] And he had the indecency to dump a load of newspaper over my head and leaving me lying around outside.

I don't want to start throwing around accusations, or anything, but I reckon this guy must've violated me while I was out. He's probably out there right now, rubbing his dick all over my t-shirt and getting off on his memories of skull fucking me.

He left chewing gum in my pockets, for God's sake. If that isn't a sign of guilt, I don't know what is.

Comments

[dulcisnuntius.livejournal.com]

Documents can be worthwhile! Like if they're maps to guarded magical treasure.

Or the President's passport and social insurance information...

[designedtoparty]

Point taken.

I think I liked your first example better, though. That second one's kind of shit.

[dulcisnuntius.livejournal.com]

I would certainly like magical treasure more than the President's social insurance number, but that doesn't mean some people wouldn't still pay a lot of money for it.

Does the suit fit you? Because you know that totally means that the guy, like, stalked you and secretly took your measurements before killing you.

[designedtoparty]

That's because people are idiots.

I... guess. I hadn't really thought about it. Suddenly this feels a whole lot creepier.

[dulcisnuntius.livejournal.com]

It doesn't really make any sense, does it?

Unless killing people and then putting them in suits is, like, this guy's thing.

[designedtoparty]

That's still really creepy. What kind of a man has a suit fetish?

[dulcisnuntius.livejournal.com]

Are you kidding me? Loads of men have suit fetishes.

Or maybe this is like his calling card. He kills people and then dresses him in suits.

They could call him the Menswear Murderer!

[designedtoparty]

On other men?

Could be. That's... slightly less creepy.

Hey! Do you think the police would listen if I gave him a name?

[dulcisnuntius.livejournal.com]

They're not listening to you now?

[designedtoparty]

No. I don't think they like me.

[dulcisnuntius.livejournal.com]

What jerks!

[Although... somewhat understandable. Sorry, Nathan. :-D]