015 ∞ VIDEO

[designedtoparty]

[Here is Nathan, sporting a very expensive looking suit (stolen by someone who wasn't him, thank you very much) and looking extremely worked up about something.]

Hey! Hey, cop fellers. Since you're always so keen to get on my back over nothing, I thought you might like to deal with some real crime for a change. I know you were too wrapped up with other, no doubt more important stuff to bother the last time I got murdered, but maybe this time you could try doing your jobs for a change.

So I got stabbed, right? I don't know what I got stabbed with, mind. It might have been sword, or something. I'm kind of fuzzy here, so it's hard to say for sure.

Anyway, that bit's all fine. Not that I want people to kill me, but stabbing's fairly tame. Only this guy must've been completely insane. I woke up, and my clothes were just gone. He'd put me in this thing instead. [He tugs at the lapels of his suit jacket here, then continues with his rant.] And he had the indecency to dump a load of newspaper over my head and leaving me lying around outside.

I don't want to start throwing around accusations, or anything, but I reckon this guy must've violated me while I was out. He's probably out there right now, rubbing his dick all over my t-shirt and getting off on his memories of skull fucking me.

He left chewing gum in my pockets, for God's sake. If that isn't a sign of guilt, I don't know what is.

Comments

[feellikejumping.livejournal.com]

It's procedure.

[designedtoparty]

I don't give a fuck about procedure.

I hear autopsies are a part of procedure, but I hope you don't plan on doing that to me.

[feellikejumping.livejournal.com]

Don't tempt me. I doubt we'll have to go that far. But if you want to report this, we have to get your injuries documented.

[designedtoparty]

What are you, retarded? There's nothing to document!

[feellikejumping.livejournal.com]

What, did you destroy all the evidence???

[designedtoparty]

No! The only thing I did was come back to life. I'm sorry if that's an inconvenience to you.

Meanwhile, someone else decided it would be a good idea to move my body and burn my clothes. Which I happened to like, thank you. Not to point out the obvious, but I'm thinking that's your man.

[feellikejumping.livejournal.com]

Just calm down and come down to the station so we can take your report. But I still need for you to get checked out by a doctor.

[designedtoparty]

I'm not getting checked out by anyone. I already told your boss she can forget about what I told her.

*for the first time actually _trying_ to help*

[feellikejumping.livejournal.com]

Look. If you want us to help you, we're going to need some cooperation on your part.

sob sadly he was always meant to be useless here... now he's annoyed enough he's set against helping

[designedtoparty]

Look. I've tried cooperating and I'm done with it now. If you want to work with what I've told your boss, that's fine. If not, you can fuck right off.