016 ∞ VIDEO

[designedtoparty]

Okay, so some of you appear to be having money trouble. That's okay. Nothing wrong with that. But there are ways to deal with it. Helpful ways that don't include, say... selling your flatmates. I was homeless for a few months myself, so I know the tricks of the trade. And you know what? I'm happy to share.

Rule 1: Never spend money unless you have to. You're at a bar? Find someone else who'll buy you a drink. Why should you have to pay when you don't have any cash? Your friend's already smoking? Get them to hand it over. It's supposed to be a social habit. Shoplifting's fairly easy, but you have to keep your eyes open if you don't want to get caught. It's best to avoid it if you can.

[Nathan turns to pat the vending machine he's standing next to.] You want food? This is your best bet. Yes, okay, this is a drinks machine, but it's the same principle. And honestly, if you have to put in money, you want to save it for the food machine. Things like Polos'll sometimes drop multiples.

Now... [He pauses, adopting a look of concentration as he strokes the machine.] The thing you have to remember is a vending machine is a lot like a woman. You hit the right spot... [Here he abruptly draws back, falling back on the vending machine with a full on body slam.] ...she'll give you anything you ask for.

C'mon, baby. [The next ten minutes or so are filled with Nathan attacking the vending with various puches, kicks, slams and overly sexual noises. Finally, there's a clatter and Nathan bends to retrieve the fallen can. He holds it up to the camera, triumphant, panting and grinning broadly.]

And that, ladies and gents, is how you rob a vending machine. You want anymore than that, I'm charging. Hope you can still afford it.

Hey. Guy who wanted to shoot me. You want the money I'd have had to spend on that?

Comments

CONCLUSION.

[renegare.livejournal.com]

You kick a woman poorly.

[designedtoparty]

I don't kick women at all!

Well, okay, I do sometimes, but not usually. It's a metaphor.

[renegare.livejournal.com]

For incompetence.

[eiremagic]

Yeh're one to talk, as mostly yeh eat what I cook.

[designedtoparty]

Which is why I don't have money trouble. Or at least not much of it. It's sort of the point I'm making here.

Oh, and tell your boyfriend he's not allowed to sell me.

[eiremagic]

Tell him yehrself.

1/2

[scontros.livejournal.com]

[scontros.livejournal.com]

Heeeeey, you're kind of pathetic, aren't you?!

[designedtoparty]

How am I pathetic?

[flamewarring.livejournal.com]

What a waste of time. If you really wanted a drink so badly, why did you not just get some water from a tap?

[designedtoparty]

Because wanted something that tasted good. I'm not going to get that from a tap. At least not without going into a bar.

[flamewarring.livejournal.com]

Honestly, judging by the amount of exercise you just did, you probably sweated out more than you are about to take in.

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[thenormalsquint]

So in short, mooch off other people and treat a vending machine like you never want to see a woman naked ever again in your life.

audio;

[designedtoparty]

The woman thing was a metaphor. I thought that was obvious. Jesus.

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[thenormalsquint]

With you, no one ever knows if it's the truth or really a metaphor.

[loonyandproud.livejournal.com]

I figure if I'd lost my flat, I'd've just had myself checked int' the hospital. This curse isnae that hard.

[designedtoparty]

Well, it's all right for you. Not everyone can be a psychopath.

[loonyandproud.livejournal.com]

Y' don't have t' BE one, y' can just PRETEND. I wouldnae ACTUALLY be havin' a manic attack. I'm stable nowadays.

[orangetoughguy]

Hey. You.

[designedtoparty]

What?

[orangetoughguy]

Sounds like you're doin' okay.

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[pyromatique.livejournal.com]

Jackass?

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[designedtoparty]

Hey there, Johnny.

not sure how i missed this gah

[adamantined]

This isn't even creative. This is just sad.

ffff, don't worry about it <3

[designedtoparty]

It's a means of survival. Who says I'm trying to be creative?