designedtoparty | 019 ∞ VIDEO // ACTION

019 ∞ VIDEO // ACTION

[Nathan is at a pub. A very, very crowded pub. He's nursing the dregs of a beer, glaring a the people at the bar who are squished up against him.]

You know, they really ought to think it through before bringing so many people at once. How's a man supposed to get served with these bastards crowding up the place? It's really incon--

[And then he cuts off, tensing and making choked noises. His hands go up to his throat, as though trying to tear something off.]

Barry!

[And then he falls off the bar stool, kicking off the device and his pint whilst he's at it. The drinks of a few unfortunate people nearby also fall off the bar, smashing as they hit the floor. Only Nathan's flailing legs are visible on the screen now, but his wheezing and choking, with a few protests about "Barry's" actions thrown in for good mention. ("Barry, no! Don't put your cock in there!" and such. Nathan is classy as ever.)

The display is basically Nathan's equivalent of "Don't think I didn't see what happened last time. Where the hell are my friends? :|" Unfortunately, he's cut off by a rather angry sounding man.]

Oi! How many times do I have to tell you you're barred?

Am I? You only said you didn't want to see me again! You never said anything about barring.

I told you before. I won't tell you again. Get up. Now.

All right, all right... just let me get my-- [Nathan's hand covers the screen and the feed cuts off.]

[ooc: Open for anything and everything! Action outside the pub he just got thrown out of, if you don't want the devices. Blue text is just an NPC pub owner.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Who? [Paaaaaaaause.] Guy with the super strength?

Wait, does this mean he talks about me? Is he a stalker?

And that's not stalking. It's called conversation.

Yeah, that guy. My god, is the only thing that concerns you stalkers?

Well, there you go, then. Conversations, then I'm not as much of a stalker as I though.

At the moment? Yes.

Maybe you're not. That doesn't mean he isn't. I mean, come on. I've only spoken to the guy... what? Once?

Right. Tomorrow it'll be hangovers. I suppose that given the circumstances, stalkers are a valid concern.

Yeah. Probably. You upset the hell outta him, though. One of my professors once told me that the easiest way to really get to someone is by undermining their masculinity; messing with their gender identity. [She can't help but grin while she speaks.] Man, he was so pissed. He was muttering about it for hours.

Actually, I'm hoping tomorrow it will be STDs.

I know. Why do you think I said it? [He looks extremely pleased at finding this out, though.] Hours?

[Gasp!] Heaven forbid! You've gotta use that condom. Susceptible to death or not, believe you me, they can be uncomfortable and embarrassing. Even something like crabs, let alone something like HIV/AIDS.

Of course. It was wonderful. [Back to Hammer.] And yeah. Not consistently, but he would keep coming back to it. He didn't like the fact that you insinuated that he needed to masturbate.

Potential STDs, then. Whatever. You know what I mean.

Huh. Really? Who doesn't?

Your worry will be sore muscles, from all the sex you're having. That sort of thing, right, I got you.

Women don't, that's disgusting. [Snrk.] No, I can't say that with a straight face, really. Although I actually do know a few that don't. For the same reason as Hammer, actually; they don't need to, because they get enough sex that it's unnecessary.

Right. Exactly.

Oh, come on! Are you kidding me? That's completely unfair.

I know, right? But she's so awesome, so our death-glares were only half meant. Oh, wait. You mean Hammer? Yeah, I know. But he's good looking, and charming as anything, so he gets a lot of action.

He is not good looking! I mean, seriously. Who would you pick; me or him?

Well, see, the thing is, you're closer in age to me. He's older, but I think I like his hair a little better? I dunno, maybe not, your hair's pretty nice too. [Paaaause] You're cuter, for sure. He's-

Oh, you know what? That's the answer. He's way more muscled than you, but I hate too many muscles, so that, the age thing, and the fact that he's a dick. Although ultimately the answer's neither of you, but you're totally cuter. He is very objectively handsome, though, you've got to admit.

I don't have to admit anything. You already said you liked me better. What else can I say?

Well I'm glad to hear that you value the opinion of a stalker so highly. [Grin.] Anyway, he's a pompous, self-centered, asshole. You're mainly just an asshole. S'a difference. You're also way more likely to dress in drag. Always a plus for me.

I'm not even that much of an asshole. Not compared to him.

Maybe he should try dressing in drag sometime. Might lighten him up a bit.

Meh. In different ways. Nothing wrong with a little asshole, though. In moderation.

[Pffft] Yeah, I doubt it whole-heartedly. [Headcock to the side.] I dunno if he'd be able to pull it off. Again, the muscle thing. Speaking of which, next time you queen out, you should try little bags full of raw rice. Probably cheesecloth. That's what a semi-professional said that she used for hers.

Oh. And you like a little asshole, do you? I should have known.

Hey, I can pull it off without all that. Anyway, I'm not trying to look real. I just do it for the fun.

Uuuugh, I dunno. [she lets her head loll back and she runs her hand through her hair.] See, at first I thought I did, because I like a little back and forth snark and teasing, plus the assholes are more likely to have some kinks and stuff, y'know? But I dunno, recently I've been saying 'no, no, lemme go to purely sweet and sensitive, but with a sense of humour, forget that other stuff'. Not like that turned out either, because apparently they're more likely to ascend to full-on asshole all of a sudden. [Head up again] Man, and that one guy that I asked out and rejected me? SO glad that I did, he turned so pompous, my god. And, look, don't have a hairdryer if you can't take the girl jokes. Idiot.

[She blinks and then seems to come back to the present time.] Unless you're talking about anal, or something.

No, of course you could pull it off. Just in case you were ever interested in having your own breasts. Without the aide of curses, I mean. Then again, as she said, 'Plus, if you're ever stranded, you can always eat one of your titties!' Funny shit.

[Wow. Yeah. Just... staring.]

Anal, yeah. Although if you want to talk about your other kinks, you go right ahead.

Oh, hey! That could actually come in handy. What if I ever found myself stranded on an island?

Nah, I'll save that for next visit. Maybe. [Aaaand back to grinning.]

Yeah, see? Sexy, and practical. Or, in your case, I suppose you could use it in case of emergencies during specific curses.

Why save it? For all you know this could be your last day here.

Well, you never know when they're going to happen around here. Always best to be prepared.

Doubt it. I've been 'round these parts before, and I aim to be again. Anyway, how exciting can the kinks of someone who's never even made out with anyone be?

Yeah. Real Boy Scout thinking. And what better place to have a food stash than on your body?

[He takes a moment to consider that.] Probably more exciting than average. It's always the virgins. And then they figure out most of their kinks actually kind of suck and become about as boring as everyone else.

Too bad the Scouts threw me out. They clearly don't appreciate true ingenuity.

Well, boring as far as kinks go, anyway. Tell you what, you share yours, I'll share mine.

Somehow I doubt that an organization that doesn't allow homosexuals would allow cross-dressers. Anyway, they'd assume that the latter assumed the former.

Cross dressing doesn't count? Okay. Fine. I like oral. Giving and receiving, just not at the same time. And don't say that doesn't count. There's a reason people are into that shit.

Scouts don't let homos in? How do they even tell with kids? Do they like feel them up, see which ones get horny?

XDb You deserved some kind of special tag, at least.

You flatter me too much! I love that I got such an awesome title. The 'the' is important. 8D

Thes are awesome. Everyone should have a the.

I agree! I'll think of one for you . . . er, eventually.

\o/ I will feel highly honoured!

Also, I just saw the cross-dressing entry. I'm so sad that I missed it; it was beautiful.

Aw, boo. Well, Nathan likes cross dressing. Maybe one day you'll get another chance!

Good, because I. Like. Nathan crossdressing. >.>'''

Then you can enjoy it together. XD

Yes. 8| Also, that is legitimately a reason one of my friends actually gave.

Does not compute. Hi, lack of social life.

I never get out in Never Have I Ever; which I play with water. So, yeah, I'm actually pretty boring.

Boring's underrated! I would be so embarrassed to play Never Have I Ever, looking back. >.>

I still win even when people cheat with 'Never have I ever had more than 10 cats'. Aw, haha, really?

Damn you and your boring life. :| And sadly, yes. I blame Britain's underage drinking culture.

All that means is that you have potential for funnier stories. *patpat*

Ha, yeah, I guess there's always that. XD

I wouldn't worry too much about it. I'm sure I've heard worse. No shame!

Fffff, shame shouldn't even be in my vocabulary, given this guy. XD

He's a comparitive unit! 'I'm about an eighth Nathan. Not bad at all, yeah?'

Ohhhh, that is pretty awesome. From now on, everything will be measured in Nathan!

'What've you been up to this weekend?' 'Double-Nathaning.' 'You should probably go to the hospital.'

Double-Nathaning definitely sounds like something hospital worthy. D:

Fff, oh, definitely.

no subject

All that means is that you have potential for funnier stories. patpat