designedtoparty | 030 ∞ TEXT

Alisha had always loved sex. You only needed to speak to her for five minutes to work that one out. Or just make physical contact if you wanted to cut right down to the chase. How else would you explain the reason behind her ability to inflict uncontrollable urges onto anyone she went near?

But anyway, the point was she'd found herself wanting to shag Barry. He was practically a virgin and anyone with a pair of eyes could see why. He was short and pale with the sort of stare that followed any sane man into his nightmares. Yet one glance from him and Alisha found herself soaking her knickers, and just to be clear, we aren't talking urine here.

She'd always preferred failed athletes in the past, so she had no idea where this was coming from. Still, she thought he was kind of hot in a weird, creepy sort of way, so she guessed she must have a thing for obvious serial killers in the making too.

One day when Alisha couldn't take it any longer she pulled Barry off to one side and shoved her hand against his throat. Barry tensed, eyes psychotic as he wheezed out yet another of his deepest, darkest sex fantasies.

"I want to dissect your skull and fuck you in the brain," he snarled in a tone so monstrous Alisha was sure he must be serious. She'd hoped whatever freaky shit he came out with would put her off, but instead Alisha found herself incredibly turned on and fucked him there and then. Lucky for both of them, Barry resisted the urge to go through with his fetishes and after they even agreed to go out as long as Barry was restrained for all further sexual endeavours. Alisha liked what there was of her brains and Barry probably got off on that bondage shit anyway.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Well, you liked her. Or whatever.

[ Is this what a not!friend does?: ] I'd offer to punch her but you know how well that'd go.

Well, I wouldn't mind seeing how that turned out.

[Not!friends sleep with each others exes. The best not!friends film it and show them. Just sayin'.]

... You're disgusting. I feel like you don't know this already. [ But hear the lack of annoyance! She is even grinning just a smidge. ]

Oh, come on. You're telling me you wouldn't go beating around the bush over two guys going at it?

That's exactly what I'm saying.

See, I'm not weird like you.

That's perfectly normal. How else do you explain all the gay porn online?

...

What? Jesus - Why are we talking about this?

Because you seem to think wanking off to queer porn is weird.

I'm pretty sure that's actually a little offensive to all the gays out there. You should really try being a little more open minded sometimes.

It's not weird. Stop putting words into my mouth. [ :c ]

You should stop being such a twat.

Isn't that pretty much exactly what you said, though?

Yeah, I called you a twat.

And, no, I didn't. Not going to explain it to you. You'd only twist what I said around.

[ EXASPERATED. ] Let's talk about something else, yeah? Like why you didn't write about Kelly or Curtis.

Because Kelly and Curtis aren't shagging. Curtis has a girlfriend, remember?

Yeah.

Wait - what? Who says me and Simon are shagging?

You do! [God, Alisha. What's wrong with you.]

And him, but he hasn't got the hang of sharing the details just yet.

[ NOTHING SHE IS PERFECT. ]

Why would he share the details with you about something that isn't gonna happen?

[YEAH, RIGHT.]

Of course it happens. You're going out with him, aren't you?

[ F A C T ] ... Not from where I am.

[ Tell me moar, oh lovable twat. ] Why? Are we together from where you're from?

Where I'm from, yeah.

When was it you got here? I thought we were from pretty much exactly the same time.

Is the last thing you remember punching out that twat who could control dairy or some shit?

That was ages ago.

The last thing I remember is handing out these flyers in this stupid Santa gear. Did you know it was possible to overheat in the middle of December? Because that was one bit of information I could've gone without ever knowing.

What were you doing in a Santa costume to be able to even overheat in?

Working. What does it sound like I was doing?

You really want me to answer that?

Well, since you're asking, I have had one or two girls take a seat on Santa's lap.

I just have to be careful of it staining, or I'd probably get fired.

You're disgusting.

Who would want to shag you in a Santa's suit, anyway?

030 ∞ TEXT

locked; /cries into your hairy armpit

locked; /rocks you gently to Careless Whisper

locked; we could try some dry humping afterwards?

locked; Well, since you seem so up for it...

locked; let's go to my bunker ...

locked; /drags you there

locked; (evil_grin) hey bb

locked; My knowledge of Plurk emotes isn't good enough for this... (tears)

locked; i only know my own ... and that is [hump]

locked; Well, I can manage that... [lick]

locked; ooo /flashes

locked; THAT ISN'T A PLURK EMOTE, YOU CHEATER.

locked; IT IS ONE OF MY CUSTOM ONES! i will have to show you sometime (evil_grin)

locked; OH, OKAY. When Plurk's working again.

locked; we broke plurk :c somehow. like a probation worker. AND IT'S A DATE.

locked; A date for when Plurk's working. :(

locked; did it die again? x(

locked; Apparently so. Just when I set up our date, too. :(

locked; (tears) we are just too hot for it. GDI I LOOKED ALL NICE.

At least it's back again now!

for how long, i wonder (thinking) stop being epic and it'll stay up!

Oh. Okay. /drops everything

your shoes too

Never!

give them up or die

/s-surrenders

V I C T O R Y ! /becomes jesus. i had to work this in somehow. i do not apologise.

Well, you should. :|