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[designedtoparty]

In Loving Memory
Nathan Young
1989 - 3000

Who turned out to not be so immortal after all.
Gored up the anus with a red hot poker by midgets
who could not take his promiscuity anymore.

Sadly missed by all but one of his many
tri-breasted wives and mutant children.

You know, I have a proper one of these my mum wrote for me. It was a lot more thoughtful than this one. And probably a lot more expensive, seeing how it was done in marble and everything.

Comments

[binarysky.livejournal.com]

...your life sounds really interesting.

[designedtoparty]

It comes with the territory. You get a superpower, weird shit just comes flooding to you.

[binarysky.livejournal.com]

You have a superpower? What do you do?

[designedtoparty]

What, can't you read, or something? I'm immortal. It says right on the grave stone thing.

[binarysky.livejournal.com]

That's not really a power, though, is it? That's just...not dying.

[designedtoparty]

What? Of course it's a power! I got it in a freak storm.

How much more comic book can you get?

[binarysky.livejournal.com]

I guess. I always thought of powers as stuff you can do.

[designedtoparty]

I can come back from the dead. That's doing something.

Who cares about walking through walls or whatever when you can pull shit like that?

[binarysky.livejournal.com]

Oh. Yeah, that is.

Walking through walls doesn't sound that interesting anyway.

[designedtoparty]

Right, exactly! I struck gold.

[binarysky.livejournal.com]

[...]

Did it hurt?

[loonyandproud.livejournal.com]

[Campbell is dying of laughter, omg, seriously, Nathan.]

That cannae really be your Kryptonite!

[designedtoparty]

Dying? Yeah. I'm telling you now, it's some scary shit. Like a tiger trying to maul your cock off.

[designedtoparty]

How do you know it isn't?

It could be any way I haven't died yet!

[loonyandproud.livejournal.com]

Aye, but that's awful.

Anyway, it's never too late t' start making a connection wi' your estranged triple-breasted wife or mutated wean. Now that y' know the future, a' course.

[binarysky.livejournal.com]

...that sounds pretty bad. What happened?

[designedtoparty]

Nah. She's probably really old and bitter I won't shag her anymore. I'm not making up with her.

As for the kids, I might be rich, but I'm not that rich. They can spend as much non-shagging time with daddy as they want, but if they're after pocket money, they can fuck right off.

[eiremagic]

Nineteen eighty-nine?

[designedtoparty]

First time I fell off a building. Then I got shoved onto a pipe some twat left sticking out of a wall.

I can't say either was especially pleasant. I usually try and avoid it, if I can.

[binarysky.livejournal.com]

How come your life's so dangerous?

[designedtoparty]

Yes. What about it?

[eiremagic]

Fuck, yeh're young.

[designedtoparty]

I don't know. I'll just ask next time someone tries to murder me, shall I?

[designedtoparty]

Well, you're hardly an old lady yourself, now, are you?

[eiremagic]

I was born in 1980, yeh know.