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[designedtoparty]

In Loving Memory
Nathan Young
1989 - 3000

Who turned out to not be so immortal after all.
Gored up the anus with a red hot poker by midgets
who could not take his promiscuity anymore.

Sadly missed by all but one of his many
tri-breasted wives and mutant children.

You know, I have a proper one of these my mum wrote for me. It was a lot more thoughtful than this one. And probably a lot more expensive, seeing how it was done in marble and everything.

Comments

[designedtoparty]

How do you know it isn't?

It could be any way I haven't died yet!

[loonyandproud.livejournal.com]

Aye, but that's awful.

Anyway, it's never too late t' start making a connection wi' your estranged triple-breasted wife or mutated wean. Now that y' know the future, a' course.

[designedtoparty]

Nah. She's probably really old and bitter I won't shag her anymore. I'm not making up with her.

As for the kids, I might be rich, but I'm not that rich. They can spend as much non-shagging time with daddy as they want, but if they're after pocket money, they can fuck right off.

[loonyandproud.livejournal.com]

Aye, but y'look like a real tosser on your grave. D'you really want t'leave that kinda legacy?

[designedtoparty]

Well, yeah. I've lived a good, long life. All I've got left is to leave a legacy the world won't forget in a hurry.

[loonyandproud.livejournal.com]

There is that.

[designedtoparty]

Anyway, I'd say it makes me look more like a man of achievement than a tosser.

If I want to show off my sensitive side, I can always have them put up the one my mum wrote next to it.

[loonyandproud.livejournal.com]

And that one made you look sensitive? ... You no were buried, were you?!

[designedtoparty]

For days! Maybe weeks. I had to claw my way out of that thing. Like a vampire!

[loonyandproud.livejournal.com]

Jesus. Your mum and friends know you're immortal now, though, right? They willnae do it again?

[designedtoparty]

Nah.

I mean, okay, maybe I wouldn't put it past some of my friends, but my mum wouldn't. She loves me. And besides, she'd be lucky to get a son half as good looking as I am if she tried having kids again.

[loonyandproud.livejournal.com]

She's no immortal too, is she?

[designedtoparty]

What? No. Why would my mum be immortal? That's ridiculous.

[loonyandproud.livejournal.com]

Cos you are. I dunno, it could be inheritable.

Actually, that's a good point, maybe you'll be raising a load of immortal mutant weans.

[designedtoparty]

There's no way it's inheritable, all right!?

I got it in a storm. It's hardly likely it's going to be passed on to the next generation, now, is it? [He hopes. He really, really hopes.]

[loonyandproud.livejournal.com]

It could be! I bet the storm changed your entire DNA. That's how superheroes always work.

[designedtoparty]

What, seriously? Why did no one warn me about this!? Barry's into all this comic book shit. He should've warned me!

[loonyandproud.livejournal.com]

Maybe he just thought y' should know automatically.

[designedtoparty]

Why would I know that? I have better things to do than immerse myself in all that geek stuff.

[loonyandproud.livejournal.com]

I thought it was common knowledge.

[designedtoparty]

Maybe if you're into all that. Like I say, I've got better things to be getting on with.

[loonyandproud.livejournal.com]

Aye, like your superpowers that you didnae even know how they worked, cos of all your better things than looking them up.

[designedtoparty]

Hey, I spent six whole weeks trying to figure out what my power was. Forgive me if I wasn't so big on researching after that.

[loonyandproud.livejournal.com]

You knew what it was, then, though! That should've been when you could properly look into it. Or ask your mate if he's the sort t' know.

[designedtoparty]

Yeah, well. I didn't. It's immortality. How was I supposed to know there was more to it than coming back from the dead?