designedtoparty | 030 ∞ TEXT

Alisha had always loved sex. You only needed to speak to her for five minutes to work that one out. Or just make physical contact if you wanted to cut right down to the chase. How else would you explain the reason behind her ability to inflict uncontrollable urges onto anyone she went near?

But anyway, the point was she'd found herself wanting to shag Barry. He was practically a virgin and anyone with a pair of eyes could see why. He was short and pale with the sort of stare that followed any sane man into his nightmares. Yet one glance from him and Alisha found herself soaking her knickers, and just to be clear, we aren't talking urine here.

She'd always preferred failed athletes in the past, so she had no idea where this was coming from. Still, she thought he was kind of hot in a weird, creepy sort of way, so she guessed she must have a thing for obvious serial killers in the making too.

One day when Alisha couldn't take it any longer she pulled Barry off to one side and shoved her hand against his throat. Barry tensed, eyes psychotic as he wheezed out yet another of his deepest, darkest sex fantasies.

"I want to dissect your skull and fuck you in the brain," he snarled in a tone so monstrous Alisha was sure he must be serious. She'd hoped whatever freaky shit he came out with would put her off, but instead Alisha found herself incredibly turned on and fucked him there and then. Lucky for both of them, Barry resisted the urge to go through with his fetishes and after they even agreed to go out as long as Barry was restrained for all further sexual endeavours. Alisha liked what there was of her brains and Barry probably got off on that bondage shit anyway.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Uh huh. [She's pretty sure she'd hate you if you wrote something like that about her.]

It's definitely a piece of work.

Something tells me you're doubting my genius here.

What genius?

That was my next question.

What do you mean what genius? Can't you read?

I can read quite well, but that was kind of...[crap] it wasn't exactly genius.

Not even the part about the snarling?

I thought I was very descriptive.

Oh, you were very descriptive. It was just not genius.

You almost sound like my English teacher. Which I guess explains why you'll never be a professional writer.

I think I'm fine with aspiring chef, anyway.

Should you really be working with fire?

Hey, I do pretty damn well with it. It's nothing to worry about.

You sure you won't get the urge to burn down your restaurant on impulse?

That depends. Is there a threat of some kind in the restaurant?

How would I know? You own it.

(no subject)

charring - 2011-11-23 00:43 (UTC) - Expand

designedtoparty - 2011-11-23 23:02 (UTC) - Expand

charring - 2011-11-23 23:05 (UTC) - Expand

designedtoparty - 2011-11-23 23:13 (UTC) - Expand

charring - 2011-11-23 23:21 (UTC) - Expand

I can read. Can't you write?

Easily. I got a D in English.

[ ... ]

You know d is for dickhead, right?

It's also for dynamic. And deeply atrractive.

Edited 2011-11-23 00:27 (UTC)

[ Unamused face and total deadpan: ] You're neither of those things.

I'm both.

In your dreams. Which will never come true.

How would you know? Last I checked, your ability didn't allow you to crush a man's entirely plausible dreams.

They're your dreams. Immediately cancels out the plausible.

I don't need a power to know you're dreams are completely fucked up.

Only the one where I'm having sex and it turns out to be my old PE teacher.

The rest of them are all pretty standard. Or at least enjoyable enough there's no way they count as fucked up.

awkwards - 2011-11-24 11:49 (UTC) - Expand

awkwards - 2011-11-28 02:00 (UTC) - Expand

designedtoparty - 2011-11-29 21:18 (UTC) - Expand

awkwards - 2011-11-29 23:46 (UTC) - Expand

designedtoparty - 2011-12-04 18:35 (UTC) - Expand

awkwards - 2011-12-18 11:21 (UTC) - Expand

designedtoparty - 2011-12-18 11:35 (UTC) - Expand

awkwards - 2011-12-18 11:39 (UTC) - Expand

designedtoparty - 2011-12-18 12:08 (UTC) - Expand

awkwards - 2011-12-18 12:11 (UTC) - Expand

designedtoparty - 2011-12-18 12:19 (UTC) - Expand

awkwards - 2011-12-18 12:27 (UTC) - Expand

designedtoparty - 2011-12-18 16:00 (UTC) - Expand

awkwards - 2011-12-20 11:25 (UTC) - Expand

designedtoparty - 2011-12-21 00:33 (UTC) - Expand

awkwards - 2011-12-21 01:11 (UTC) - Expand

no subject

no subject

/threadjacking everywhere

ooh hai bb

/sob Stop ganging up on him, guys. :(

FFFF NO BITCHES STICK TOGETHER RIGHT ALISHA

BITCHES IS RIGHT. >(

the coolest ones you'll know, nathan.

Nah, he's known way cooler.

ffffff liar (okay maybe)

That doesn't mean he doesn't like her!

It's her face, isn't it? Such a likeable face.

Yeah, sure. Let's go with face.

I didn't feel like typing tits ok but see i did it. its her tits.

...it is, yes.

this is what you get when you write horrible fic nathan (i loved it)

Well, so long as YOU enjoyed it!

lmao oh my god it made me laugh so hard. just as this tag did. ♥

Ffff, ilu &hearts;

/marries i am now officially mrs twat

Does this make me Mr Tart?

yes, i believe it does!

OTP ♥!

Mr Tart and Mrs Twat formally invite you to their tacky wedding ♥

I bet everyone will be screaming to be let through those doors.